Uncategorized 1 comment

Resolve the Conflict or Dissolve the Relationship

By anbusivam on July 22nd, 2010

Dear Friends,

Welcome to Anbusivam’s Blog Page.

Completing my Diploma in Counselling Skills from Banjara Academy last year gave me a great feeling. I said to myself “Yeah, I am a counsellor now, I can solve anyone’s problem and I’ll be the savior for every one around”. But it didn’t take much time to understand the truth. As a counselor I could only provide all possible support in enabling them to sort out their own issues.

Dr.Ali and Mr.Raja gave us thorough knowledge and excellent training on all basic counselling skills required to understand, empathise and support people in any circumstance. Using this as a platform I decided to proceed further in a specialised facet of counselling where I could concentrate more particularly on to a specific area in human relationship so as to focus more in detail and depth.

I decided to focus and learn further on Marital Counselling. To my best I got married at this right time and it’s been really wonderful to learn the minute details of a very close relationship in life. Thanks to my dearest wife Sangeetha.

The most inevitable issue in any relation is handling conflicts. Especially in a marital relationship conflicts are supposed to be integral part of life. Things would be pretty fine as long as two are just friends, lovers or colleagues, but when the same relation is taken to a very close and intimate relationship such as marriage obviously one cannot hide behind the a mask of being too good for long time. Very soon the bare personality of oneself has to come out and if that is not what the other person expects, there starts a huge problem in the relationship.

First and fore most decide if you want to resolve the conflict or dissolve the relationship. Resolving the conflicts amicably is the most critical necessity in a marital relationship or else the relationship will cease to dissolve.

Few tips to avoid conflicts or to handle them in a better way are:

  • Communicate, Communicate and Communicate.
  • Just don’t argue with numbers and statistics, it has nothing to do in relationship. Instead try to understand the other person’s feelings and emotions.
  • Don’t let smaller issues and misunderstandings unresolved; clean it up at the earliest. Few of those small little breaches would ultimately pile up together into a greater concern.
  • Spend some quality time with your partner. (Please note, watching television together is not spending quality time)
  • Learn to appreciate little things in life. Give some small little gifts often. It need not be expensive, just a single rose would do wonders.
  • Readily show your respect and love as often as possible with both physiological and psychological intimacy.
  • Learn to address the problem and not the person. (Simply don’t blame your partner if things don’t go as expected, quickly look for alternate solutions)
  • Understand that conflicts are inevitable in a relationship and handling them effectively would lead to a longer, stronger and happier married life.

Thanks for Visiting my Blog.

With Love,
Anbusivam

Cycling, Motivation 1 comment

Pain is Temporary, Quitting is Forever

By anbusivam on June 20th, 2010

Dear Friends,

Welcome to Anbusivam’s Blog Page.

Pain is Temporary, Quitting is Forever

I always loved this wonderful quote from Lance Armstrong, the world’s great Cycling Champion.

It was still a theoretical knowledge for me, until I had my very own first hand experience of this quote, two weeks ago. I decided to go on a cycling trip to Nandi Hills which is 65kms from my home in Bangalore. It was all because of those enthusiastic bikers from Bangalore Bicycle Champions (BBCh) group. I’ve heard a lot about the tough steep 8kms climb of Nandi hills, but never had a chance to go there.

The moment I got an e-mail on this trip, I decided to join these folks to explore this ride to Nandi. I knew this is going to be my first long ride just after I started cycling again 2 months ago. Though I enrolled myself to this trip, once I got to know from Google Maps that, the distance is around 65kms from my home I was full of doubts and worries. It’s going to be 100k+ in a single day ride and that’s first time for me. I was not sure about myself, I had my own inhibitions if I will complete the full distance. I thought I could anyway stop and come back whenever I feel like not going further, but if I miss this opportunity then I’ll miss a wonderful experience and a great chance to experiment on my own endurance levels.

It was planned on a Sunday; we were supposed to assemble near Hebbal Fly Over at 6.30am. The previous evening I did clean up my cycle, checked tyre pressure, brakes and other basic things of my dear Hercules ACT 110. Though I tend to sleep little long on weekends, my biological clock came to my rescue as usual it does on important days in life. I woke up at 4.30am, got ready and started from my home at 5.30am. My wife insisted me to carry additional bottle with my regular one which, indeed helped me during the tough times of my ride – the last few kms of Nandhi Hills.

@6.00am:
I reached Hebbal Flyover and proceeded towards Esteem Mall where I had to wait for almost 45mins. I think I was little early due to the excitement about my first long ride. Then came all other bikers from Cubbon Park. After small introductions we all started together towards New Airport on the Devanahalli highway. It was a real fun riding all the way till we reached a small junction that turns towards right from the highway near Chikkaballapur. I was already tired riding 45kms in one stretch and I heard from Yogesh our coordinator for the trip that it’s just 12kms more to the foot of Nandhi. The next 12kms was exciting especially thanks to the quality of good roads without much of traffic. It was lots of fun riding that 12kms stretch.

@8.30am:
We were at the foot of Nandhi. I understand that, there is just 8kms more to reach the peak our finish point. After a little while I realised that this 8kms is much more difficult and challenging than all the 58mks we’ve covered till now. It was too steep and my thighs started paining severely. I thought this is no way all possible for me, it’s better to stop here and wait down the hill for others to come back. Let’s be honest, in some situations quitting feels great as it instantly removes all the pain and all difficulties seems to be over just like that. Simple, Just Quit and it will be Over. Quitting gives us one guarantee for sure; all the pain and agony are over. But I realized that it’s highly impossible for me to go back with that guilt of not completing the ride without climbing the hill top after riding more than 60kms to reach here. It’s really a great injustice to me and my own commitment, if I don’t complete this.

@9.15am:
Sun was already scorching through my helmet. Halfway through the steep hairpin bends of Nandhi hills, I decided to take on the challenge, fight through the pain and try all possible to reach the hill top and be a winner. It became way too difficult for me to push the pedals through last few kms. It was really really steep, looked like almost 90deg angle for me. I did stopped very often to take a quick 1min break and I know if I wait for too long, all my muscles will start relaxing and going ahead will become tough. So, I decided to take some quick breaks in between small distances and keep on going. I repeatedly said this wonderful quote “Pain is Temporary, Quitting is Forever”. Yes, I wanted to taste the victory over that mighty Nandhi hill by conquering it’s peak.

@9.50am:
I tweeted like this “Six more kms to hill top. I must do it. Come on Siva you can.

@11.15am:
My tweet said: “Standing on top of Nandi Hills. Feeling like on top of the world. Good job Siva. Kudos”.

Imagine if I had gone down half way, I would never have this wonderful feeling of standing on top of the world. Only because I decided to overcome that temporary pain, I could cherish the permanent pleasure of reaching the hill top. That’s a life time experience, I could ever forget. It’ll remain for ever.

@4.30pm:
It became too difficult to come back, as most of us were at our own pace and I had to cycle all the way alone from New Airport to home. Yes, it was a real test for my endurance. I was thinking of hiring an auto or hopping on to any of those volovo buses. But, I had a strong thought that if I could climb Nandhi hills, then this is nothing in front of me. So, I did cycle home as I know my loving wife is waiting with delicious Lunch prepared for me.

End of the day it was satisfying and full filling achievement in my life.

Now, with all my first hand experience I can really say,


Pain is Temporary, Quitting is Forever and Winning is Everlasting.


Thanks for Visiting my Blog.

With Love,
Anbusivam

Public Speaking, Toastmasters 2 comments

My First Post in My Own Domain

By anbusivam on June 12th, 2010

Dear Friends,

Welcome to Anbusivam’s Blog Page.

It’s been almost for 4 years I am sharing my thoughts and learning’s on various topics in my blog page @ http://www.anbusivam.blogspot.com. I’ve been thinking of moving it to my own domain http://www.anbusivam.com and it was long pending due to lack of my expertise in web technologies. Today with my novice web skills I managed to install WordPress into my domain and now writing this first post here. Thanks to Google and various wordpress forums.

I would like to thank all readers of my blog and my friends who were always there with me giving in all their appreciations and criticisms on my good and not so good writings here.

It’s a great pleasure to welcome you all to this new journey, new platform, my own domain http://www.anbusivam.com

Keep visiting for more useful, informative and interesting articles here. Thank You.

Thanks for Visiting my Blog.

With Love,
Anbusivam

Public Speaking, Toastmasters 2 comments

My Ice Breaker Speech: I am an Optimist

By anbusivam on May 9th, 2010

Dear Friends,

Welcome to Anbusivam’s Blog Page.

I was instrumental in bringing up the Philips/NXP Toastmasters club also served as Vice President, Education there. I was totally out of public speaking for more than two years after I left NXP. Now I am a member of Bangalore Toastmasters Club, one of the Bangalore’s oldest club with lots of very eminent speakers. It’s great to be part of this wonderful club. I gave my first speech from Toastmasters competent communication manual, i.e Ice Breaker.

Find below the transcript of my speech, it would be of help to know more about me.

I am an Optimist

No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, I would always love to raise my sight and see possibilities. To my surprise they’re always there and I always see them.

Good Evening Fellow Toastmasters and Guests.

“Humility is like an inner wear, essential, but indecent if shows off”, but people in my home town don’t mind showing it off. This city has gained universal recognition as the leading source of Hosiery and Knitted Garments. It is the garment capital of India, also called Textile City. It is Tirupur in Tamilnadu.

Yes, I was born in a small village near Tirupur to a middle class family whose main occupation is farming. They named me Sivakumar, but I would love to be called as Siva.

Childhood:
Situation at home was not so great when I was young. In spite of all difficulties, when all my cousins were sent to farm fields or garment factories to work, I and my sister were the only lucky ones to attend school. I must proudly say that, today I am standing here in front of you only because of my caring parents and loving sister.

I studied in a wonderful school. Neither I can forget the first day I went school with my grandmother crying all the way from home, nor can I forget the day last day of my 12th standard with tears all the way back to home. We were 6 of us together like a rainbow for 14 continuous years and those were the colorful years in my life.

About my Education:
From my early childhood I was fascinated by electronics. My grandfather had a transistor radio that was very precious to him. He would never miss the morning and evening news every day. One pleasant evening, when Sun was saying good bye to Moon I opened it up out of curiosity to know, what is there inside..?. But, later I realized that opening it up and breaking into pieces is far easier than assembling it together. Somehow with few more screws and wires still remaining, I could make it work the way it was working and that’s a significant accomplishment.

I was totally depressed when I failed to get admission into engineering after my 12th class. There was no one to guide me and not enough money to get things done.

Suddenly this wonderful opportunity came knocking at my door disguised as my father’s friend. When I met him, he asked me “If you are so keen in electronics, why don’t you join a polytechnic…? Then you can very well join an engineering college directly into the second year. It’s called lateral entry.”

I took that as a positive challenge, did my diploma in electronics, passed with flying colors and stood first in my class. Then I went on to study Electrical & Electronics Engineering to come out as a first engineering graduate, in fact a first graduate in our entire family circle.

After a short stint with Wipro and few years with Philips/NXP, now I work for Qualcomm for the past 2 years. My job is to make sure that, your high end mobile phones work even after 10 years from now, flawlessly like it is working today. I do the reliability engineering of mobile semiconductor ICs.

Hobbies:
One of my teachers used to say “Keep yourself engaged in good hobbies, not just for time pass, but something that can be turned into a full time career when you wish or get bored in your routine work”.

My hobbies include reading, writing, listening to music. I read and try to experiment a lot on Self Development, Human Mind and Spirituality. I would love to understand the people around me. I’ve done a Diploma in Counseling Skills last year and I am looking forward for a Masters in Psychology through distance education this year.

Two years ago I picked up Blogging, I blog @ http://www.anbusivam.com. By the way Anbusivam is my pen name with which I used to write some amateur Tamil poems on the last pages of my college notebooks. Even now I used to in some of the lengthy and boring office meetings.

After about 15years I decided to cycle again and bought a new bike last month. Now I cycle 26kms every day, five days a week to and fro between Indiranagar and whitefield. When people ask me “Are you crazy to cycle in this traffic..?” I say, “Yes I am, look into the positive part of cycling. It’s healthier, happier and greener”.

I was happy in life, until I got married 6 months ago. Now with my wife Sangeetha in life, I am happier than ever. She is a home maker, having keen interest in drawing and painting. I am giving in all the support and encouragement to her present goal, which is to expertise in Tanjore Painting.

Beliefs:
I am a deeply rooted spiritual being. But, I am certainly not religious. In my simple understanding: “Love is the one and only universal God”.

I also sincerely believe to a large extent we are the Script writer, Actor and Director of our own movie called Life in this world.

When my friends ask, “How could you take every thing positively…?” I say, I choose to be an optimist, because it does not seem to be much use being anything else.

Optimism is in my blood, I am B+ve. I am an Optimist.

Thanks for Visiting my Blog.

With Love,
Anbusivam

Cycling, Happiness 1 comment

Pleasure of Cycling

By anbusivam on March 22nd, 2010

Dear Friends,

Welcome to Anbusivam’s Blog Page.

I came back from school, was depressed and sad about the way things are going on in life. We, a group of 6 have decided to start cycling to school from next month onwards. Now it’s the first week of the new month and I am the only one don’t have a bicycle yet. I’ve told my father and asked my mother too….but nothing seems to be happening. That night I resisted from eating dinner, went to bed without talking to anyone. I know that my parents are aware of the reason for my anger. To my great surprise next day when I come back from school there was as bicycle parked in front of our home, though it looked little older. My mom told me that it was from one of my dad’s friends. His son was using this cycle for the past 2 years and now he is studying in a boarding school. Dad had taken it from him for a little lower price.

I was so happy, hugged my parents for getting me a new cycle (new to me anyway). I wanted to run to my friend in the next street to tell that I am going to join them tomorrow morning to school. I went to bed so happily, woke up early in the morning, took out an old cloth, cleaned it perfectly. I could make it shining like a new diamond, of course it is for me.

Started my first day ride to school and I will never forget that experience in my life. I think this happened almost more than 15 years ago, but I could never forget this experience in my life. I think Bicycle is one of the best inventions by the mankind. Simply by connecting two wheel, frame and pedal there comes a wonderful means of transportation. No emission of harmful gases, no pollution, no harm to the environment, no fuel needed, zero running cost and so on.

After so many years, I decided to cycle again. Now to my office. I was totally unaware of what had happened to bicycles all these years. When I started looking out for details, I found there are bicycles with gears nowadays. I wondered why do a cycle need 21 gears, while my yamaha is having only 4. I could get lots and lots of details and information from various bicycle enthusiasts and online biking communities like BikesZone, Bangalore-bikers Club, GogreenGocycling and Criticalmass. I could see that, bikers are more than happy to welcome any new biker into their group, provide lots of support and encouragement.

After lots of study and survey I bought Hercules Ryders ACT110, started cycling to office for the past 2 weeks and look forward to continue cycling for ever.


Go Green, Go Healthy, Go Happy, Go Cycle…!!!

The pleasure of pedaling a responsive, wonderful machine, while enjoying the roads, moving along effortlessly, is always awesome in cycling.

Thanks for Visiting my Page.

With Love,
Anbusivam

Attitude, Motivation 2 comments

Opportunity Knocks Only Once

By anbusivam on February 21st, 2010

>Dear Friends,

Welcome to Anbusivam’s Blog Page.

Opportunities are always plenty in this vast world, but how many of us are ready to grab that in our life…? At least how many of us are aware of the opportunities we come across in our lives…?

Family and society in which we are born are a chance given to us by creation, but what we become in life is a choice left for us. Chance is something decided upon us, which is beyond our control. Choice is something that we can decide for us, which is completely in our hands to choose. Many of us think that our life is predestined and nothing can be done beyond that.

We have all said at some point of time in our life or often hear people saying:

“It’s all fate”, “Luck is not in my side”, “According to my horoscope”, “It’s bad time for me”

Yes, it is going to be really bad time until we wake up and look for opportunities in life.


Opportunity knocks our door only once. That single moment in our life comes only once and never returns. We may end up getting similar opportunities later on in time, but the one that came will never come again.

A young man wished to marry the farmer’s beautiful daughter. He went to the farmer to ask his permission. The farmer looked at him and said, “Son, go stand out in that field. I’m going to release three bulls, one at a time. If you can catch the tail of any one of the three bulls, you can marry my daughter.”

The young man stood in the field awaiting the first bull. The barn door opened and out came the biggest, meanest looking bull he had ever seen. He decided that one of the next bulls had to be a better choice than this one, so he ran over to the side and let the bull pass through.

The barn door opened again. He had never seen anything so big and fierce in his life. It stood pawing the ground, it eyed him. Whatever the next bull was like, it had to be a better choice than this one he thought. He ran to the fence and let the bull pass through.

The door opened a third time. A smile came across his face. This was the weakest bull he had ever seen. This one was his bull, he said to himself. As the bull came running by, he positioned himself just right and jumped at just the exact moment. He threw his hands to grab…..But alas…. The bull had no tail.

There are three kinds of people in this world: First, the ones who make things happen. Second, the ones who see things happen. Third, the ones who wonder what happened?

If we are a kind of person who is attentive to things around us, I am sure we could readily recognize that. If we are a kind of person who is keen on achieving great things in life, I am sure we would definitely make the best used of opportunities given.

An individual may possibly have number of abilities and talents, yet he or she could be a miserable failure. Unless the person is aware of her abilities and has the courage to act upon it, she is going to be a failure. Great people knew their abilities and make the best use of at least one of their talents, excel in that, reach greater heights.

Great men and women don’t wait for the right opportunity to come at their door steps; instead they act upon to create the opportunity in order to move ahead in their path of great achievements. These are the people those who make things happen. They don’t sit and wait for the opportunities to come to them; instead they desperately go in search of opportunities and put in all their efforts to make things happen.

Michael Dell says, “Don’t spend so much time trying to choose the perfect opportunity, that you miss the right opportunity. Whether you’ve found your calling, or if you’re still searching, passion should be the fire that drives your life’s work.”

Unless you are planning suicide, there is no better time then right now to start doing what you have been thinking about doing for far too long. The key is to listen to your heart and let it carry you in the direction of your dreams. Just open your mind to different possibilities, different ways of examining an object, a problem or a challenge, and it can provide you with many inspirations and fresh ideas.

Another key point is to act diligently upon the opportunity grabbed. Many of us though get right opportunity; fail to make the best use of it. We end up doing mundane activities those are useful neither for ourselves nor for others. This is because our mind is tied up with petty little things that will give quick gratification. Basic tendency of human mind is to look for quick results at present and immediate pleasure now rather than long term satisfaction at later stage. We should constantly tame our mind to seek permanent happiness in life and not look for instant pleasure. We should constantly focus our thoughts and efforts towards vital and precious activities that will take us forward in our path of success.

With the ability to identify right opportunity, attitude to honestly work on it and sincerity to make the best use of it; making great things happen is an absolute possibility in this world.

Let’s make great things happen.

“When we wake up to the choices given to us,
smartly catch hold of them,
diligently work on them with sincere efforts,
surely we will achieve great things in this world.”

Thanks for visiting my page.

With Love,
Anbusivam

Attitude, Motivation No comments yet

You Are Your Solution in Life

By anbusivam on January 7th, 2010

>

Dear Friends,

Welcome to Anbusivam’s Blog Page.

All of us have problems in life. I don’t think any one can ever find a person without a single problem in this world. Life by itself is a sequence of problems posed in front of us from various facets of life. Most of the time we spend all our time in searching for answers and solutions for our life’s own problems. In this entire process the most important person involved is “YOU”. Only simple solution for all your life’s problem is YOU. Hence the best way to make your life wonderful is to take good care of you.

Yes, it’s all about “You”.

What you can do for YOU:

– Take quality time off from your daily chores to give yourself.

– Enjoy your own company.

– Be happy and feel good about you.

– Treat yourself with great love and utmost respect.

– Feel you are more worthy and most deserving.

– Look for the positive and good qualities in yourself.

– Focus on these great qualities you love about yourself.

– Have a great belief in your own abilities.

– Have a positive regard and respect for yourself.

– Even kiss yourself often to appreciate yourself.

You are the designer of your destiny. You are the director of your own movie called life. You are the one and only authority having complete control over your life’s choices. So, better take good care of yourself.

Ultimately it’s all about “You”. i.e YOU, YOU and YOU

Thanks for visiting my page.

With Love,
Anbusivam

Children 2 comments

Life Lessons from Children

By anbusivam on November 15th, 2009

>Hello Friends,

Welcome to Anbusivam’s Blog Page.

Today November 14th is Children’s Day in India. I had a wonderful opportunity to take part in Children’s Day Celebrations organised in our office. Colleagues had come to office with their children and family today for the gala celebrations.


As usual I took up my role as an “Observer”, started observing the cute little children over there running around, playing, singing and dancing. Kids just live their life enjoying every moment, enthusiastic about everything, eager to learn, curious about everything and with full of contagious energy. Practical life lessons we could learn by just observing child’s play is plenty.

Few learning’s from those cute little ones are here:

1. Live every moment:

Children live their life spontaneously. Literally every moment is experienced just during that moment and is thoroughly enjoyed. Nothing is pre-planned, they take life as it comes without much of worry. Kids don’t waste the right moment at hand in thinking about the future or past, they just live in that moment completely involved. We adults always repent for what happened in the past or anticipate what would happen in future, and in that very process we miss the present right in front of us.

2. Ask lots of questions:

Kids ask lots of questions on matters very trivial to adults. What…? Why…? How…? When…? Where…? would be their major vocabulary once they start understanding things around. There would always be greatest level of curiosity to learn, to understand and to know about every thing around them. Most of the time they may not get answers for all their questions, but it doesn’t stop them from asking more questions.

3. No emotional baggage’s carried:

Children never carry emotional baggage’s like we adults do always in life. Kids don’t carry on with their emotions in life. As child I used to quarrel with my sister, we fought a lot for simple things in life. But that will last for not more than few minutes. We will be playing, jumping and running just after that. But now as grown ups we experience each and every situation with some or other pre-conceived ideas in life.

4. Contagious positive energy:

I would always consider “Contagious positive energy” to be the best in children. They enjoy life with full of positive energy that’s instantly contagious. Doesn’t matter how big our problem is, simply watching a child’s play would make us happy and enthusiastic. Their positive energy is highly contagious.

5. No Inhibitions:

Inhibitions are meaning less in Children’s world. They just don’t worry about anyone and anything around. Unlike adults they don’t worry about the consequences, just never bother what others would think. Kids would always want to be themselves, irrespective of where they are. They carry around themselves as just they are.

6. Curious about everything:

Children are curious about everything around. Curiosity is what makes them touch the fire, catch a fly, eat a bug, run onto the streets, jump from the stairs and many more. Always be ing curious to explore new things gives them a never ending learning experiences.

7. Ego Less:

There is nothing called “ego” in Kid’s world. Children never have “I” conscious, they just go with the life as it comes without any egoistic thoughts. They fight and quarrel for a moment and next moment we would find them playing as if nothing had happened. The best part of child’s behaviour is complete surrender to the loved ones most often the mother.

8. Express the Feelings:
Children would freely express their feelings no matter they are. Their feelings are readily available on their faces for every one to see. Kids don’t hide or conceal their feelings and emotions, instead they express them right at that moment. We don’t have to guess what’s a child’s feeling as it will be very obvious in her face. Openly expressing feelings makes life easier and simpler of us and people around us.

I’ve just listed few practical learning’s we could take from Children. Of course we all has gone through that life as a child, but somewhere in the process of growing up we’ve acquired few things that are not very useful to us and dropped down few things that may be of great help in life.

Let’s go back to our wonderful childhood, wake up the little child in us, live life king size.

With Love,
Anbusivam

Motivation No comments yet

Yes, It’s Ok to Start Again

By anbusivam on November 8th, 2009

>

Dear Friends,

Welcome to Anbusivam’s Blog Page.

It’s been more than two months now since I wrote a blog post.

After 2 long months, I am back to blogging. Yes, it’s been more than two months now…two long months. It is really long as I have missed almost more than 8 weeks of blogging. Initially I thought of taking break for a month after my wedding, but it got extended to more than two months. I was too busy in setting up our new home, also had friends visiting us with lots of love and kind wishes. It’s been overwhelming to receive good friends and kind relatives at our new home.

In spite of all my counseling classes and learning’s, I always used to wonder how I am going to cope up with a new relation called spouse in my life. I was worried how I am going to share my personal space with someone else whom I did not know for years. Fortunately, we had more than 3 months after we met till our marriage day. We shared a lot about our likes, dislikes, our childhood, school and college life, about our family, friends, relatives and many more. Now with my loving and caring wife Sangeetha beside me, life has taken a new facet. It’s nice to see lots of things are changing in life for good and better.

I feel great and rejuvenated to come back to you all through this blog again.
With this I am starting again.

I am sure I’ll share more useful, interesting and informative thoughts here.

With Love,
Anbusivam

Happiness No comments yet

Being Right or Being Happy

By anbusivam on August 12th, 2009

>

Dear Friends,
Welcome to Anbusivam’s Blog Page.
When I wrote about being right or happy in my previous post, many of my readers were keen to know more about it. Here comes my thoughts and understandings on one of the key learning’s from my counselling course.
“Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy…?”

Think for a moment when you were in an arugment and want to be right, don’t you remember that you had to compromise on your happiness. I realised this when I was in an argument with one of my friends few weeks ago. I obviously wanted to make my point, knowing that he is not correct. But he was not in a mood to accept that he is wrong, which would be a blow to his big ego. After long arguments and counter arguments, I suddenly realised that the discussion had stuck into an endless circle, without any further progress. I started playing devil’s advocate, carefully changing side to accept his point knowing very well that it’s not right. I decided to do this only to stop those endless arguments just to prove a point. When we departed he was really happy that his point was accepted and finally he had won the argument. But I am sure that he himself had a doubt on the entire discussion and the point he was conveying and trying to convince me.
Later in the evening when he was little relaxed, I approached him with a clean reference supporting my argument stating that I was right in the morning. In no time he accepted the truth and apologised for being adamant during the morning discussion. I felt happy and he too was.
When I was thinking about the day that evening, it did strike to me that, though I was not right in the morning ultimately I was happy at end of the day. Many a times we tend to stick to our point in arguments and discussions with our loved ones, friends and colleagues without even thinking about the real purpose of the argument.
We should be courageous and courteous enough to give up something, though we know we are correct, while letting the other person win over us. This will be of utmost important especially with our family and loved ones, where the relationship and bonding is of highest priority than being right in a petty issue. Moreover these kinds of heated arguments and discussion always lead to fights shifting focus on the person instead of the real issue. When we are discussing an issue with another person, let’s better put our focus on where it should be, on the real problem, not the other person.
When we choose being happiness over the need of being right, obviously a great relationship blossoms over there.
Whenever we are stuck in an argument with our loved ones, we should ask ourselves.

Do you want to be Happy or do you want to be Right…?

Thanks for visiting my page.
With Love,
Anbusivam